Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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