I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
