My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
