Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize