my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
