Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
