Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
