i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
