we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
