Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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