i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
