It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
