this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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