Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
