he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
