Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
