i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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