i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
