She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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