hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
