I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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