Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
