I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
