I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
