1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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