If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
