i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
