ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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