good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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