How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
