he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
