u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize