i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
