ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
