Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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