i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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