I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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