ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
