the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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