once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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