is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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