Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
