Where did you get a picture of my penis
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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