He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Damn victory sex feels great
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
