God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
