i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
