i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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