I think my vagina is haunted
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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