he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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