I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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