Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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