i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
