I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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