new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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