So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
