Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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