Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
