So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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