1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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