do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
