I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
