It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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