I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
