my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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