Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
