I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
