I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
