If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
