If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
