just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
