is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
