Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
