I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
