someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You can't special order awesome
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
