I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
