I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
