Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
