the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
