Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Come on in and take your pants off
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
