What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
