What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
