everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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