If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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