How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
