Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
