After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
