So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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