dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
